TAKE IT ON TRUST – REVIVAL
A closer look into the ability of trusting and establishing relationships.
When you are a survivor, a climber or a sailor, you just know that some people cannot be taken to any expedition, because they save themselves first, let all others sink and drown, and still hire a photographer for the publicity.
Trust is something very primary and essential for human beings.
The ability to trust and TO LEARN, TO FEEL WHO AND WHAT YOU CAN TRUST has been fundamental for the preservation of our lives individually and the perpetration of the species.
But this learning has left scars in the story of many of us.
Femme accroupie – Auguste Rodin
The most important issues on trust come from those who were rejected into the womb by their parents, after the birth or during early childhood. The ones who had not acceptance, care or protection in early life.
It leaves traumas and scars that are really hard to heal, because they cannot be recognized as the origins of all sort of fear and difficulty in trusting.
These people have a really hard time to establish meaningful, deep, one to one, long lasting relationships their whole life.
The fear of not being accepted or rejected again permeates their lives, surreptitiously.
They do not believe themselves to be ENOUGH AS TO NATURALLY MAINTAIN OR TO SUSTAIN A RELATIONSHIP, because this bond of trust was broken very early. They could not live it, or experienced it only partially.
The gates of hell – Rodin
DO YOU BELIEVE YOURSELF ENOUGH?
Not believing yourself enough can bring a lot of distortions in perception and interaction with the world.
Relationships become a bargain.
THERE IS LITERALLY A LOVE BARGAIN INSTEAD OF LOVE and this bargain can happen in many different ways.
WHAT IS LOVE BARGAIN?
Love bargain happens when you only feel loved whenever you can offer some “LOVE CURRENCY” in exchange.
It can be money, it can be fame, prestige, influence. IT CAN BE BEAUTY, APPEARANCE, SEDUCTION. It can be opression or imposition.
In bargain LOVE IS A PRODUCT, LOVE IS A CONQUEST.
LOVE IS A PRODUCT, AN ASSET, A CONQUEST OBTAINED THROUGH THESE “LOVE CURRENCIES” I mentioned and many other variations.
The fallen caryatid carrying her stone – Rodin
By consequence, if you get used to love through bargain, YOUR VICIOUS CYCLE OF MISTRUST IS MAGNIFIED, since you cannot be loved in the lack of a “love currency”.
You cannot trust.
You cannot trust life, you cannot trust yourself, you cannot trust others.
You require more “love currency” for more LOVE BARGAIN.
You also keep being attracted for people who relate through LOVE CURRENCY and situations of LOVE BARGAIN.
Love bargain is an addiction; it does not nurture, it is never enough and you need more and more to fill your emptiness.
The three shades -Rodin
Love bargainers treat love as a deal because they are not aware of their problem.
It seems absolutely useless and desperating to BE RELIABLE WITH THEM.
First because they do not know how to relate with someone WHO LOVES, INSTEAD OF DOING LOVE BARGAIN.
Second because they do not believe you can be trustworthy.
RELIABILITY is kind of a psychic heresy for them.
HOW CAN THEY BE RELIABLE IF THEY CANNOT RELY ON ANYONE?
The heretics – Rodin
And they will do anything to emotionally massacrate their relationships.
They will create all sort of situations and tests to break your trust in yourself, to make you distrusted to other eyes and to prove you are not reliable, just like them; even if they induce it, making the relationship unsustainable.
They cause suffering and they also suffer, because they feed the vicious cycle of mistrust; they end up PROMOTING AND PROVING THAT WHAT THEY LIVED IN EARLY LIFE WILL BE REPEATED INDEFINITELY DURING THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.
Despair – Rodin
BREAKING THE VICIOUS CYCLE OF MISTRUST
How to get out of the trap of mistrust, love currency and love bargain?
The first step is about becoming acquainted of your own life story. In your life story, you can find the answers for many of your fears, difficulties and self imposed limitations.
It is important to recognize that in our life stories, we had some or several moments of RUPTURE OF THE TRUST BOND; moments in which we were so needy or fragile and THE SUPPORT, THE HAND WE MOSTLY NEEDED WAS NOT THERE FOR US.
Nevertheless, we could handle it by ourselves in a way or another, or with the help and the wisdom from who we least expected.
These were supposed to be lessons and not traumas and the second step consists in turning SCARS INTO LEARNING.
We try to measure and put events into scale, but life is not reasonable, measurable or predictable.
In general, frustrating experiences are an opportunity to lose the bias and to see things from another perspective.
In those painful situations of RUPTURE OF THE TRUST BOND, which new perspectives were presented for you? Did you take the offer?
WHO WAS THERE WITH YOU, ALL THE TIME?
The cathedral – Rodin
Many will give a religious, spiritual or existential answer to this question; it is pertinent and absolutely relevant, but remember…
YOU WERE THERE, ALL THE TIME.
YOU NEVER LEFT YOURSELF.
At the hardest moments, YOU were the source of wisdom, strength, support and LOVE you needed most.
YOU ARE ALIVE BECAUSE YOU WERE AND ARE THE EXPRESSION OF UNIVERSAL LIFE.
LIFE FLOWS ABUNDANTLY THROUGH YOU.
LOVE FLOWS ABUNDANTLY THROUGH YOU.
ON THIS YOU CAN RELY.
YOU CAN COUNT ON YOURSELF.
YOU CAN TRUST LIFE.
YOU CAN TRUST LOVE.
Exactly because you are THE AUTHENTIC EXPRESSION OF LIFE AND LOVE.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.
“Trust is a feeling in your body. It is not an idea in your mind.”
The kiss – Rodin
“Trust, like love, is energy which moves the universe.
Is trust love?
An expression of it.
When you love you don’t expect return, YOU LOVE!!
When you trust you must not expect return either,
Not in the form of reciprocal trust, not in the form of loyalty,
Because it would make trust unpractical.
Trust is not about looking forward a result,
Trust is the power to face any outcome.
Trust yourself, trust others, trust life.
You don’t trust because of others,
You trust because of you.
If you don’t trust, you don’t start any relationship, you don’t do anything, you don’t live!
Trust yourself first.
The kiss sketch – Rodin
DEVELOPING LOVE AND TRUST IN RELATIONSHIPS
The secret of a pleasurable, nutritious, meaningful, sustainable and LOVING relationship cannot be found necessarily in the amount of time you interact with the other and in what you do for the other.
(SO, IT IS NEVER ABOUT “LOVE CURRENCIES”, none of them)
But in how your interaction allows the other to get in contact with himself or herself.
The duration and the intensity of the connection with oneself.
Someone feels pleasure in being with you if your interaction or presence allows one to get in contact with oneself; the longest the best, the strongest the best.
From it comes that sensation I FEEL GOOD WITH YOU.
‘I feel good with you because you allow and enable the contact with myself.’
AND THIS IS THE PARAMETER.
Obviously, PRESENCE is much more effective for providing quality and intensity in it.
The thinker – Rodin
OBSESSION AND PARASITISM
If someone consumes, requires, demands, drains from YOU, the attention or energy that should be shared in a healthy human interaction, it causes imbalance, distress, inquietude and even disease.
We call this obsession, harassment or vampirism in relationships.
A great majority of people relate with one another through this noxious pattern nowadays.
IT IS THE LACK SEARCHING FOR SUPPLY.
It should be INTEGRALITY and TRUE EXPRESSION OF THE SELF ENABLING AND ALLOWING RECONNECTION AND TRUE EXPRESSION OF THE SELF instead.
I am beautiful – Rodin
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
This is very, very important in finding your mate, a friend, a coworker, a teacher, a pupil…to self protection.
How do you feel in the presence of a person?
You feel drained, worn out, consumed, repressed, encaged.
“If you have a bad feeling about someone, trust it.”
Nijisnky – Rodin
YOU FEEL GOOD, RECONNECTED, ENERGETIC, SHELTERED, WOMBED, INSPIRED, EXCITED, ALIVE.
Excellent!! GO FOR IT.
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
Carl Gustav Jung
Eternal springtime – Rodin
“There is nothing ugly in art except that which is without character, that is to say, that which offers no outter or inner truth.”
François Auguste René Rodin (12 November 1840 – 17 November 1917)