No one compares to you
There is some sickness in this world, that makes people lose the reality of themselves.
There is an insidious tendency for comparison and competition for whatever is done.
In some sense, people are always comparing their features, their abilities, their talent, their beauty with someone else’s!
For the Swiss psychologist Alice Miller the roots of feelings of envy, greed, comparison or competition can be found in childhood.
Each one of us is born endowed with particular characteristics, potential skills and peculiarities. The development of this rich, unique, irreplaceable set of qualities would enable us to achieve fulfillment as human beings, walking freely as complete individuals, confident and self-sufficient, radiating presence, discovering paths, conquering our space, carrying out our mission without the need to compete, to compare, to envy, and to covet others’ expression and achievments in life.
Nevertheless, our development in childhood is hardly allowed or encouraged in its full potential. Generally, a series of cultural patterns, social demands, religious traditions, familiar expectations and individual prejudices from our parents and educators make us abdicate from our precious individuality and capabilities to submit to the established standards and requirements.
This deviation or distortion from who we already are, from who we are supposed or destinated to be for what is expected from us, for what we are forced to become, according to Alice Miller, generates an important derrangement of our psyches making us feel not good, not sufficient enough.
If someone does not feel good or sufficient, he/she will inevitably start to imagine that the expression and the achievements of his/her next should be envied, coveted and oftenly hated or sabotaged rather than supported and admired.
And so is born the sense of comparison and competition that makes a lot of people get lost during the journey.
This constant comparison with which people torture themselves will lead them on two different directions depending on their personalities.
The depressive personalities compare themselves and feel like trash; the other is better, more beautiful, more talented, more gracious and they feel like there is nothing to do about it. Comparison paralizes their lives and they tend to give up and do nothing to develop their individuality.
The megalomaniac personalities will get into the ring; their lives will be the eternal fight to prove they are the best, to show they are absolute! And again, comparison will also make them lose themselves because they spend their whole lives trying to prove their value, their superiority!
Regardless who you are, nor what you achieved, nor if you are depressive or megalomaniac, comparison will ruin your possibilities of finding yourself, your uniqueness, your path; and you will keep on feeling unhappy, miserable, incomplete, no matter if you are the most rich, beautiful, influent person in the world.
Do you really have to feel like this during your whole life?
Actually, no. You need to recognize that, indeed, great part of your real self was and has been denied since your early childhood. The time gone will not return for you, so you need to rexamine your life, your circumstances, your beliefs, your goals and consider if you are really happy with yourself.
Forget your position, your material wealth, your influence, your fame and ask yourself if you are really happy, fulfilled and free to follow your most precious dreams and your highest aims.
If not, if you still compare yourself with your next, if you still have hidden feelings of envy and hate because he or she seems better, more succeeded or fortunate than you in any aspect… Stop everything.
You have paddled a sinking boat,
Start doing your best for yourself from now on
Start doing your best for love
Start doing your best for the ones you love most and who love you for who you really are
Stop doing anything for comparison, for dispute, for hate, out of spite.
Love is the force that moves the Universe
Love is our highest aim and the path to ourselves
Competition does not apply to LOVE
Comparison does not apply to LOVE
Only when you truly love someone, you can understand it!
Only when you truly love yourself, you can understand it!
You don’t love someone because this person proves to be more than anyone!
You love someone who makes you feel good, authentic, complete.
You love someone who spontaneously reflects your soul!
It is or it is not.
The same about your creativity, your profession, the activities you like to do.
You should do what you love and not what you are obliged to.
If you try to control and build up love relationships and create artificial situations for it and fight for money, fame, power, status, influence, to prove your value, your superiority, that’s your sinking boat. It results in emptiness, even if you reach your goals.
We are all searching for love and the sense of belonging.
LOVE be not caused, IT IS!
The best way to find LOVE in life and to succeed in a way that truly brings happiness is owning yourself and belonging to yourself first.
It is practicing and developing your uniqueness, your indentity, your genuineness. You certainly gonna find the kindred souls, you certainly gonna find your soul mate, or love in life.
You also gonna find out what you love to do, your path, your gift, your excellence, and make a living from it.
The search for love is always the search for yourself!
NO ONE COMPARES TO YOU!
1- Alice Miller – The Drama of the Gifted Child (Das Drama des begabten Kindes, 1979)